Saischool Of The Dead
by Sai Kunai Blade
Summary: Now that Sai has become more powerful than ever, somehow keeping his L'Cie magic, he tackles one of the greatest undead challenges in existence: Highschool of the Dead. Join our devilish friend as he kills zombies, constantly bitch-slaps the fat-ass and epically pwns Strider Hiryu in every chapter for no reason other than it makes him happy.
1. Prologue

Name: Sai Blade

Age: 17

Awesome facts: controls fire, is a badass ninja, has a type of Super Saiyan transformation with fire

Looks like: Look at the damn author's picture, lazy-asses

Personality: Total badass, ladies man and funny mofo. Enough said.

Bio: Born into a badass ninja clan, I can kick ass with any weapon I pick up and I can control fire, not to mention I make more references than Deadpool for funny effect or to trip up my opponent. I am one of the most skilled fighters in fictional history, as along with my family's traditional teachings, I have also trained under the tutelage of Deathstroke, Dante, Ryu Hayabusa and Bayonetta. I'm also an associate at Devil May Cry, where I'm in a kick-ass relationship with Lady and have a rivalry with Nero that is EXACTLY like Deadpool and wolverine, except I'm usually the one who kicks his ass. But if anyone says I look like Dante or Nero, HELL SHALL BEFALL THEM. Also in my possession is an apparently magic trench coat that, along with having 10 pockets, those pockets are close to bottomless. Now then, onto the story.

It was another slow day at DMC; I was just coming out of a hang-over, Dante was still passed out at his desk, Nero was still throwing up in the bathroom, to which I laughed and Trish, I'm pretty sure, was still drunk, as she was singing a bunch of Ke$ha songs with the microphone unplugged and didn't realize none of us were listening. Lady walked in and dropped a bottle on my head in order to wake me up. "You know, if you keep drinking like this, you're gonna kill all your brain cells." She said.

"I'm fine. I'm a demon, they just regenerate, anyway." I said.

"Well, anyway, I found out Integra sent Alucard on a mission in Japan to kill zombies. Knowing him, he's gonna leave a few left, so you may wanna get over there and handle that." She said.

"Oh, Alucard. He'll do anything, even doom the human race, as long as he has fun." Dante said with a smirk.

"That's why he creeps me out. This calls for my special new zombie-killing shirt." I said, putting up one of those walls you see in changing stores and stuff, I just call them changing walls.

"You have a zombie-killing shirt?" Dante asked as I tossed my trench coat onto the wall.

"Why not? Juliet Starling has zombie-killing panties." I said, tossing my normal, maroon shirt onto the wall, then slipping on my new one, stepping out from behind the wall to reveal the shirt: A bright-ass, lime-green T-shirt that was a rip-off of a Subway logo, saying instead: "Zombies, eat flesh".

"Nice." They both said.

"Yep. That settles it, I'm going traveling!" I said, kicking the doors open, smashing Strider Hiryu in the face, kicking him in the balls and stomach 18 times each and walking away like a badass.


	2. Fixing Alucard's mess

I finally arrived In Japan after a very long an inconvenient flight where most the people where talking through the inflight movie. That plane unfortunately crashed on the shore of a Japanese beach. "Life's a beach." I said, continuing on, noticing most the city was on fire. It was pretty. "Wow, I should've visited Japan a long time ago. It looks awesome when it's on fire, too." I said, then realized what I just said. "Oh, god, I am a pyromaniac..." I said, continuing on.

Meanwhile...

Takashi was sulking over losing Rei as his girlfriend, as always, when suddenly Saya showed up (by the way, yes, I will be referring to everyone by their FIRST names. Some of their last names sound to similar, or I wind up thinking they're talking about someone else). "What do you want?" He asked.

"Every time you have to face something you don't like, you always come to this STUPID staircase. It's like your own little pity corner, look at you! Good God." She said, walking down the stairs to where he was. She then leaned forward with her hands in her pockets, getting up in his face, which caused her boobs to stick out. Something that did not go unnoticed by Takashi. "The first semester has JUST started. How are you EVER going to make it through the year?" She asked, scolding him.

"I could say the same to you, the 5th period isn't even over yet." He said indifferently, looking off into the distance.

"It's okay, I'M GENIOUS. Unlike YOU who got into this school by DUMB luck." She said in a condescending tone.

"Saya, why do you always Diss me like that?" He asked, annoyed.

"Because I don't like stupid people!" She said, with a pouty look on her face.

"What?" He asked quickly before she spoke again. "Especially the ones that can't admit that they're stupid. I mean, you're pretty stupid, but at least you know you are, so if I tell you that you're stupid, maybe by some miracle, you'll be less stupid, stupid!" She said (That is the most times I've ever heard someone use the word stupid in less than a minute). He merely turned away from her at that point. "Grow up! Moping because your little friend dumped you? Stupid." She said, walking away (As she's walkin' away~).

Suddenly, he heard a banging at the gate and looked to see. "Huh? Who's that? A trespasser?" He wondered.

Meanwhile...

"So tell me, Alucard, how was your mission in Japan?" Integra asked over the phone.

"Meh, I'd say 99... .9% done." He said, looking out the window at the exact zombie that was banging at the gate. "'sup, bitch?"

Back to Takashi...

A couple of teachers then walked up to the gate, some of them armed. "You there, what do you think you're doing, this is a private school?" The female teacher leading the little squad questioned.

"It's okay, Ms. Iyashi, let me handle it." A tough-looking teacher said, rolling up his sleeve and approaching the trespasser (Bad move, rolling up the sleeve). He reached out and grabbed the zombie, then pulled back and smashed him into the gate.

"Hey, now! Mr. Tajima! Excessive violence is-" Ms. Iyashi began, but suddenly, the zombie grabbed Tajima's arm and bit it, causing him to fall back and roll on the ground in pain, freaking out Takashi, before the teacher died.

"Oh, my god! He's dead!" The old teacher, armed with I don't know what, exclaimed.

"No way. That's impossible! He was just..." Ms. Iyashi said. Then, Tajima's hand twitched. "Mr. Tajima? Are you alright?" She asked. Then his eyes popped open "Oh, Mr. Tajima, thank god! You had me worried there for a-" She started, but then he got up, yanked her close by grabbing her shirt and bra, biting her neck, spraying blood everywhere. Takashi freaked out and stepped back, the old teacher with the weapon fell back onto his ass (fail) and the other teacher ran away like a bitch.

Thinking of only one thing, Takashi ran quickly as he could, burst through one door and slammed open the door to Rei's classroom. Rei of course was his old girlfriend who dumped him. It was brutal. "Takashi? You couldn't be happy with just skippin' my class?" The teacher asked.

Ignoring him, he walked right up to Rei. "Come with me!" He said, urgently, pulling her up from her seat. "We're gonna get out of here!" He said (or possibly, we've gotta get out of here).

"W-what are you talking about?!" She demanded as Saya stood up jealously.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Hisahi asked. He was Rei's new boyfriend.

"People just got killed by the front gate. No bullshit." He explained in a serious tone.

"Are you serious?!" Hisashi asked, shocked (He just barely said "no bullshit").

"Yeah, I'm making shit like that up." He said, darkly, not exactly sounding sarcastic. All the while, a nerdy fat kid was listening to this and got a kinda dumb look on his face. He looked worried, but not at the same time?... I can't explain it.

Rei then yanked her hand away. "Jesus, what's going on?! I can never understand what's-" She started, until Takashi slapped her (oh, that's a dick move. And sexist).

"Listen! Listen to me!" He said.

They apparently ran out of class, because now they were running down the hall. "What's going on?" Rei asked.

"There was someone at the school gate. P.E teachers went to check it out and something happened. And now those P.E teachers are killing each other!" Takashi said.

"That's insane." Rei said (not as insane as what you're GOING to see).

Meanwhile, at the gate...

I finally reached the school and found the zombies about to attack a mother and her baby. I fried them with lightning and popped up beside her, singing my version of "slaughter your world" (Look it up on YouTube). "Excitement abounds~! I almost can't wait! Relax, I don't want your baby, I already ate." I sang, looking at them. "Though I do tend to generally kill... Kill things that... Don't fight back. I've found the zombies! What fun could they hold? What shall I bbutcher them with?! Fire or cold?! *makes flames in one hand and ice in the other with L'cie magic* Running from me, I'm sure you'd think: He's a pathological, bloodthirsty, homocidal maniac!" I continued to sing, dancing around more zombies and melting their faces off. "I kill zombies *kills it with fire* and angels *shoots it out of the sky with a shotgun* and demons *blows it up with a bazooka*! I'd maim toddlers, teens and then more *kills a toddler and teenage zombie*! You see a wife *comes across newlywed zombies*? I see a widow *kills the husband zombie*. But what then? Can't you see? What I kill foooooor? I want to incinerate and decapitate! I want to melt, want to melt some faces! Watching the zombies- Ah, what to they call it? Fry *burns a group of zombies to a crisp*! A suppose that being undead, there's not much to life. I can't die my mortal weapons! *gets repeatedly impaled* How did that not make me- ah, what's the word? Die? *goes back to murdering zombies with fire* You've nowhere to hide! Nowhere to run! Your corpses will burn like the heart of the sun! With infinite glee, it's going to be me, that slaughters Z world *sets both hands on intense fire*! *grabs a zombie* How could I glare, into these eyes and then not... Stab them *stabs the zombies eyes with his fingers*!? How could I look at their death and then not LAUGH?! *pulls out a sword* I'd cut him in half *cuts one in half*, then I'd graft. His head back. Onto his shoulders *cuts it off*. And after I lop it. I make a puppet. On top of a staaaaaaaaaaff! *has a zombie's head on his hand, working it like a puppet* I am a guy who makes things die! Have some urges and need to fulfill them! After my mayhem I simply don't... What's the word? Caaaaaare *throws the head like a baseball into another zombie*! The stench in the air! The smell of the gore! Carnage far greater than ANY waaaaaaar! My legacy... Death should be ME... I'll slaughter Z... Woooooooooorrrrrrrrlllllld." I ended soflty and beautifully, then vaporized two more zombies coming at me.

Back in the school...

"Attention all students: An emergency situation is taking place in the school right now. All students must follow your teacher's instructions and evacuate! I repeat, a violent incident is taking place at the school right now!" The loudspeaker said, before something unknown cut it off. Suddenly. "Ah! Get away from me! Get back!" He said.

Meanwhile, the dumbass fat kid from before was crawling his way out of the classroom. "Hirano!" Saya said, walking up to him (I'll call him by last name because he's annoying, dumb and I don't like him. He's like Tsukune only fat).

"Hey, Saya." He said, surprised.

"Shh, gotta go." She said.

"Help! HELP!" The guy on the loudspeaker said before getting killed.

Everyone was shocked, sitting there, unsure of what to do. Then a piece of chalk rolled off of a teacher's desk, hit the ground, broke and all hell broke lose. Everyone screamed, panicked, ran out of the room, tripped over each other, probably trampled each other, one dude- what the hell was that for?! One dude punched another dude in the face for no apparent reason... Da fuq?! Another dude grabbed a girl by her shoulder and hair for no reason and I don't know what he did with her and lastly... Jesus Christ, Japanese kids are violent! I'm just saying. Not trying to be racist, but Jesus, in the middle of a zombie attack, their punching, raping and one dude kicked a chick in the ass, sending her down the stairs.

Back with me...

"Sounds like all Hell broke loose. I'd better not miss a DAMN thing." I said, glaring.

Meanwhile, Takashi's group ran up to the roof and encountered their first zombie. After recognizing it as one of her teachers, Rei was hesitant about killing him, but when he was attacking her and almost getting to her, she became enraged.

"Don't fuck with me!" She said, pushing him back (by the way, I don't think you can push back a zombie. They're like 3 times stronger than the average human). "I'm VP of the martial arts club!" She said, going badass and kicking the zombies ass with the metal broomstick-turned spear/staff and finally stabbed him in the chest, lifting him off the ground. Unfortunately, while in most fantasy worlds, a stab to the heart WOULD kill a zombie, Highschool of The Dead decided to make them a bit tougher than that, so he slammed Rei into a wall.

"Rei!" Hisashi said, grabbing the zombie and holding him so Rei could pull out her weapon.

"Hisashi! Get away from him!" Takashi warned.

"Don't worry, I got 'im." He smirked. He didn't... The zombie turned its head almost completely around and bit Hisashi's left arm. That's what you get for being a smartass.

The other two did whatever they could do try and kill him, but nothing seemed to work. "Dammit, why won't he just die already?!" Rei demanded.

"Oh, no, it's just like I thought! He is dead! He's dead, but still moving!" Takashi said.

"What?!" Rei said in disbelief. At this point, the zombie bit completely through Hisashi's arm. "Hisashi!" Rei screamed, trying to pull him away from the crazed zombie. She then turned back to Takashi desperately. "Takashi, do something! Don't just stand there, do something!" She pleaded.

Now mustering up courage, Takashi ran in, jumped and swung with all his force, smashing the zombies head, finally killing it (about fucking time, huh?).

"Hisashi! Are you okay?" She asked.

"Son of a bitch just bit me! No big deal." He said, somewhat in pain (yes, it is. Haven't you seen the movies?).

The group then heard a scream and looked down to see a girl near the stairs of the school trying to push back a zombie. "No! Stop it! Stop it!" She pleaded, but it finally overpowered her and bit her neck (these are weak-ass zombies).

"We can handle one of 'em, but there's no way..." Takashi said, darkly.

"The roof!" Hisashi said.

"The roof?" Rei asked.

"We should barricade ourselves up there until help arrives. See what's going on." He said.

They made it to the roof and looked to see what was going on to find there city looking like a death zone, fires and traffic everywhere. "Holy shit!" Takashi exclaimed.

"But how?! Everything was fine a minute ago!" Rei said, suddenly getting forced forward by a strong gust of wind. They looked to see a helicopter with American camo on it flying to the city.

Back with me...

"Shit! It's the military! I didn't do it!" I said, raising my hands in defense.

Back to them...

"American military?" Takashi asked.

"No. It's special defense forces. But where did they come from? There's no base around here." Takashi said.

Rei began waking her arms to get their attention, despite they were flying away from them. "Over here!" She shouted.

"Don't bother. I wouldn't even waste my strength. Those are special defenses. They probably have a special mission. They're not here to save us. They're not even gonna stop that." Hisashi said, pointing to the courtyard where the zombies were eating a young girl in her gym outfit. "And that's what's going on outside where you can get away from it. I can only imagine what's going on inside of the school.

In the school...

Two girls who were apparently BFF's were running down the hall, holding hands. "We should be okay as long as we run together, Misuzu!" The first girl said.

"Of course! Because you and I are BFF's, Tishini!" Misuzu said. Suddenly, a zombie grabbed her leg and pulled her down towards him. She said something in Japanese, obviously asking for help.

"Let go of me!" Tishini said, shocking Misuzu. "Dammit, bitch, I said let go!" She demanded, kicking her in the face, sending her down the staircase, filled with zombies. She backed up a ways, unable to believe what she had done, only to back up into more zombies.

Meanwhile, back with me...

"Bow to the demon! BOW TO HIM!" I laughed maniacally, frying zombies in entire waves. Then I sensed what happened with the chick and her friend. "Damn, people are so willing to throw others into danger to save themselves." I said, then turned back to see a zombie right in front of me, about to bite me. Quickly, I grabbed Hiryu and pulled him in the way so the zombie bit him, then killed the zombie and curb stomped his face 18 times. Then I turned to the 4th wall. "It doesn't count if they're not your friends." I explained, curb stomping him more.

Let's check in with Saya and the fat kid...

Another fat dude was near a class window when a zombie reached out for him. "In here, too!" He said, running down the halls as they came... Oh, wait, my bad, this isn't them. I think we get to them later. Anyway, this new blonde fat kid was having a breakdown. "There's no way this is really happening. That's right! ***pant, pant* **I need to... Wake up. Go back to school. I'm supposed to chew all of those new club members out today." He said, jumping out of the window, smashing his head on the ground (da fuq?!).

Back to me...

A body just fell out of a window and splattered. "Ew..." I said, killing more.

Back to them...

Somewhere else, we see two zombies mauling some poor sap and another one slowly making its way up the stairs towards a badass looking girl with long, purple hair down to her ass, blue eyes and a bokken (wooden sword) as she unsheathed it (oh, shit's about to get real!).

"This is like a disease created by them." Hisashi said.

"Them?" Takashi asked.

"The dead are attacking people, left and right. But this isn't a movie or video game. That's why it's 'them'. 'They' bite people. And then they come back as one of 'them.' And it looks like smashing their heads in is the only way to get rid of them." Hisashi continued.

Back to me...

"DIE ZOMBIES! DIE!" I said, jumping into the air and throwing down grenades and fireballs. "BOOM! You are dead! Well, you were dead before, but... Fuck it." I said, going to kill more.

Back to them...

The zombies then found them. "There are too many of them." Rei said, looking all around.

"Let's get up there and block the stairs!" Hisashi said (you know, he's doing very well for a dude who should be a zombie by now. We both saw that first teacher who got bit died in less than a minute and came back still within a minute).

"Let's go!" Takashi said, getting ready to run. They quickly ran, Takashi smashing a zombie in the side of the head, then used his back to flip another one trying to grab him over him onto its back. There was a quick clip of a zombie biting another girl and suddenly, Rei was smashed into a wall AGAIN by a zombie she stabbed in the chest AGAIN.

"Rei!" Hisashi said, taking Takashi's bat and smashing the zombies head between it and the wall.

Later, we're just getting random clips of the zombies being everywhere. "Why is this happening?" Rei asked.

"There has to be a reason. Maybe if we can figure out what's causing it, we can stop it. Or at least... protect ourselves." Hisashi said (no protection for you left, man. You're done). "We need to look around. Find matches or a lighter. If we don't make a fire now, we're gonna be fucked when it gets dark." He said.

The zombies were trying to force their way through the barricade, but apparently their either way weaker than their supposed to be, or somehow 3 highschool kids were able to make an impressive barricade from random objects. Suddenly, Hisashi began to cough up blood.

"Hisashi! What's wrong with you?!" She said, running over and kneeling beside him. "Takashi! Hisashi is-!" Rei shouted, looking back at Hisashi. They both looked in concern as Hisashi began breathing heavily. "Why? He just got bit a little, why does it look so horrible?" She said in fear.

"So it IS just like the movies. They bite you and that's it." Hisashi said weakly.

"That can't be true! What you see in the movies will never happen!" Rei said in disbelief (It's happening right now!).

"But it DID happen. To everyone else." He said, then looked to Takashi. "Takashi, will you help me?" He asked.

"Help you with what?" Takashi asked.

Hisashi then pointed to the rail. "Help me over the rail. Straight to the ground. A fall from here should smash my head." He said.

Both of them were shocked and unsure of what to do. "What are you saying?!" Rei asked, shocked.

"I don't wanna be one of them!" He shouted, then coughed violently and spat out a giant amount of blood.

"Hisashi!" Rei screamed in concern.

He began coughing up more and more blood, then looked at Takashi. "Come on, Takashi, do it for me. I wanna stay myself... Until the end." He said, then fell and began rolling around, screaming in pain.

"Hisashi! Let me help you! You can't die!" She screamed (wow, it's sad she can't wrap her head around what's obvious right now).

Nevertheless, he was finally dead as the sun began to light up the area. Suddenly, his hand twitched and Takashi tightened his grip on the bat. "Get away from him, Rei." He told her. He began walking closer with the bat, but she put herself over his body.

"No! You can't do that! He's not turning! He's not turning into one of them, he's gonna be fine!" She shouted (are you even paying attention to what's going on right now, bitch?).

"Get away from it." He said again.

Suddenly, he began breathing again and started getting up. "Hisashi! Look, Takashi! He's getting up! He's getting better..." She said, happily at first, but then she FINALLY realized he was no longer the man she knew (FINALLY! Even Tsukune isn't THAT dense... assuming he could wrap his near-useless brain around what was going on, but he probably couldn't). "What's the matter?" She asked (She STILL doesn't get it?!). "Hisashi!" She called to him as Takashi pulled her back. "What's happening?! This can't be true! No way!" She said, almost sobbing (Poor, delusional girl).

Takashi stepped forward, knowing what he had to do, but it was killing him inside. "I know you can't believe it. I can't believe it." He said emotionlessly.

"Takashi..." Rei said softly.

"But it's happening." He said.

"Don't do it..." She pleaded.

"IT'S HAPPENING!" He shouted in rage, rushing in.

"NOOO!" Rei screamed.

Back to me...

I paused for a moment. "It sounds like someone with as much importance to the story as Excalibur just died." I said.


	3. kicking ass and being a badass

In the school currently going all to Hell, students were running all over the place blindly, screaming. "People are eating people! This isn't funny!" Saya said angrily.

Back to me...

I was laughing like a maniac, turning zombies into Swiss Cheese with my miniguns. "Die, bitches! DIE!" I laughed, killing as many as I could.

Not too far away, a boy was walking down the hall, holding his neck, which must have been bitten. "This can't be! This can't be happening. Can it, Mommy?" He asked a zombie right in front of him, which grabbed him and ate him (Well, I found THAT pretty funny!).

Saya and Hirano quickly ran passed them and down the hall. "Saya! Where do you think you're running to?!" He asked.

"And what exactly was your brilliant plan?" She asked condescendinly.

"I was gonna talk to the teachers in the faculty room and-" He started.

"That's pointless." She said, stopping to look around a corner. "What do you think a bunch of stupid teachers can do about it?" She asked, going around the corner.

"But Saya!" He said, then kept rambling trying to find the right words, when suddenly, she stopped.

"I've got a question for you." She said.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Do you want to die? Or do you want to live?" She demanded.

"Well, that's, um..." He said.

Suddenly they heard a banging and Saya looked over. "They had the same idea as you. Let's see how it works for them." She said, pointing to a bunch of students trying to get into the teacher's lounge. The students kept banging on the door and the teachers opened it up, now zombies and attacked the students, to which Hirano freaked out like a bitch. You know, my friend and I disagree on this, but I STILL say he's as pathetic as Tsukune. At least without the guns.

"You wanna live, right? Then stick with me!" She said, to which he nodded frantically. "Let's go, chubby!" She said as they continued on.

Back with me...

I was protecting a small group of survivors from zombies, standing in front of them as they huddled in a corner, roasting the zombies, watching as they dropped like flies. "You guys like barbecue?" I asked.

Back to the roof...

The zombies were slowly attempting to force there way through the barricade with barely any success. Rei was sitting there in silence, her face emotionless. Takashi was looking the same way as he glanced down at his bloody baseball bat and the now completely dead body of his former friend, Hisashi. He had a flashback of everything and suddenly jolted up.

"What's the matter?" Rei asked, still emotionless.

"I was thinking what the hell is going on." He said.

"That's a straight-forward answer." She said.

"What's the point of lying about it?" He asked, scratching his head.

She suddenly smiled and stood up. "I think I should let my dad know that I'm alright." She said, reaching out to Takashi. "Let me use your cell?" She asked.

"I know that he's a police officer. We can't even connect to 110." He said (What the hell is 110? Did he mean 911, maybe? Oh, it must be Japan's 911, okay).

"I know this secret number he told me not to call unless it's an emergency." She said dialing it and listening. "It got through! Dad?!" She asked.

"Hello? Takashi? Is that you?!" Her father asked from the opposite line (How can you not tell it's your own daughter's voice, dummy?!).

"Daddy, listen! Daddy, we're at school and there's been-!" She said before he cut her off.

"Hello, Takashi? You must've gotten this number from Rei, is she okay? Is she with you?! Is she alright?!" He asked (You're talking to her right now, dumbass!).

"Daddy! What's the matter, can't you hear me?!" She screamed.

"Listen carefully! The entire city is in panic already!" He said.

"Daddy!" Rei screamed again, but then they heard a gunshot.

"You need to get out of there, do you understand?! The city is already in panic mode! You need to evacuate-!" He said before the line was cut off

Rei looked down at the phone at that moment. "No service?! But I JUST called him! I don't understand!" She said in panic, then began to sob.

Back to me...

I tried pulling out my phone to either call Damion or post "being a badass, killing armies of zombies, bitches!" on my Facebook status, but, to my annoyance, nothing was available. "Damn you, Verizon!" I shouted.

Back to them...

"Rei!" Takashi said, trying to calm her down (Just don't slap her again).

She looked back it him, tears streaming down her face (DEFINITELY don't hit her). "Takashi... My dad... He didn't know that it was me at all! He didn't even know me!" She said, crying holding the phone to her chest (Ha! It's a flip phone!).

Back in the endless-ass hallways...

"Saya, I know it's against school rules, but do you have your phone on you?" Hirano asked (You're worried about rules NOW OF ALL TIMES?!).

"I'm a straight A student. Besides, even if I had one, who would I call?" She asked (Oh, I don't know, maybe your friends to rendezvous with them or your parents to make sure their okay. That's just one of the things I'd do).

"The police, maybe?" He asked.

"God, you're so stupid." She said, holding up one arm like she was trying to be calm or dismissive. "Look how serious this is. There's no way people haven't called them already." She said while he was looking in fear with his mouth trembling weirdly (and stupidly). "And yet we haven't heard a single siren." She said.

"So this is happening all over?" He asked (It's a goddamn zombie apocalypse, dumbass, of course it is! Honestly, even Tsukune isn't quite THAT dumb).

"Gee, you think?!" She said (THANK YOU). "I'm sure the police have been dealing with this already, but look how things are!" She said (You know, not to give any spoilers, but if the zombies are only attracted by sound, how the hell are they not zeroing in on this relatively loud conversation?).

"I wonder if we should call the self-defense force?" He said (Did you not listen to ANYTHING she said?).

"I wouldn't expect much from them." She said.

"I know they can't conduct any defense or public security operations without the government's order, but-" He said, the entire time visibly pissing off Saya, who looked like she was growling.

"That's not what I meant!" She said angrily.

"Well, what did you mean exactly?" She said, slowly moving closer to her, blushing, but bumped into her and pushed her out of cover (Dude, don't try to make a move. It will NEVER work for you).

She turned around and shoved him back. "Their just like the police! What do you think would happen if people weren't eating people in all of the cities out there?!" She questioned. "Listen. There are 130 MILLION people! How many of them do you think work for the self-defense force?! And what do you think would happen if the same thing has been happening INSIDE the self-defense force?!" She questioned. Suddenly, a zombie came down the stairs slowly. "Come on! We have to get out of here!" She said.

"Uh, okay!" He said, stumbling and struggling to keep up with her.

(Jesus! The only reason I have to stay with this dumbass is because Takashi is in here! I'm such a nice person!) She thought (Not really. And why does she have to stick with him just because Takashi's there? If I were her I would've thrown him at the zombies by now).

Meanwhille, in the infirmary...

A student who must've died suddenly rose back up as a zombie. This shocked another healthy student, who dropped the broom he was holding as a weapon. "Dammit!" He said, grabbing the nearby IV stand as repeatedly smashing him with his, repeating "forgive me!" over and over and over again! Like Bison's cheap-ass slide kick.

At the same moment, the nurse looked around for her supplies (Holy shit! Kurumu be damned, those boobs are HUGE!). "What should I do?" She asked, walking over to the medicine cabinet and the screen, while her boobs bounced they made a bouncing sound, also like Kurumu. She opened the cabinet and started taking as much supplies as she could carry or that were important. "I can't get ahold of the police or the fire department!" She said, as she turned, her ass also made a jiggling noise. "I can't treat the ones that are bitten, they're bound to die! And once they die, they're bound to resurrect!" She said, putting a finger to her face. "This is exactly like that George Romeo movie I once saw." She said (I don't know what she's talking about).

The student finally finished the zombie and walked back over to her. "I don't think this is the time to be impressed. Let's get out of here, Miss Shizuka!" He said, walking over.

"Hold on a second! Just let me take all the stuff I can carry!" She said, reaching for more supplies.

"Just do it quickly!" He said.

Suddenly, at that moment, a zombie headbutted the glass door to the infirmary and cracked it (See? Right there is another problem: If they can only find their prey by hearing, how did they find those two? They weren't even that loud. You can't just randomly add plot holes! It's like in Soul Eater when Lord Death absorbed Asura's energy beam through his hand, but he didn't do that when Asura first awakened, instead making shields that bounced the beams at the city instead). Back to the story (I apologize your breaking the fourth wall so much and picking this apart, that's just what I do), a massive wave of the zombie broke through to attack the two of them.

The boy quickly took point in front of the nurse. "Miss Shizuka!" He said. The first zombie lunged forward and bit the guy easily, making him drop the IV (Fail). "Miss Shizuka, get out of here, quick!" He said, trying to push them all back.

At that point, she back up, but only pointed at them. "Hey, I'm sorry, what was your name again, please?" She asked (-.-... That's what you're worried about right now?).

Back with me...

I stopped again. "I sense someone else who's not important to the story died." I said, but then shrugged and went back to killing.

Back to them...

"What?" He asked, obviously seeing the question as pointless as I did, then the zombies bowled him over, then three of them cornered her.

"Oh, goodness." She said indifferently (What?! If I were you, I'd be freaking out, kicking them away from me and busting out the window).

They reached out for her when suddenly, the chick with purple hair mentioned in the last chapter smashed their heads in with awesome skillz, ending them all easily. She then walked over to the student who was bitten and knelt down in front of him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm the captain of the Kendo club, Saeko Busijima." She said (By the way, in the English dub, it's an important distinction to make: Her first name is pronounced "Psycho". I wonder why?...). "A sophomore. What's your name, kid?" She asked.

He struggled to talk, coughing up blood every now and then. "Ishi... Ishi Kazu..." He said, coughing up more blood.

"Ishi, you did a great job protecting doctor Marikawa. I commend your courage." She said, but then darkened up a bit. "You do know what happens when you get bitten? Do you want your parents or friends to see you like that? If the answer is no, I will end your life as painlessly as I can. But I've never killed anyone before." She said, which shocked the boy.

"Please do that." He said, smiling.

"Wait, what are you gonna do?!" Shizuka said, but Saeko put up her hand.

"You're the school doctor, I got it, but stay out of it." She said, raising her wooden sword. "This young man is going to die with honor. And I'm going to make sure that he does." She said, raising her sword. The sun shined down brightly on the boy... Before his blood sprayed on the window, blocking it out. Shizuka was shocked. But then, more zombies broke down the door and came at the two of them (who were once again silent), as Saeko took her position in front of the nurse. Her face was mostly blank with her eyes hidden behind her hair, but then she smiled evilly.

Back with me...

"I sense a disturbance in the force. There's another badass here. I must find out who!" I said, running through the crowd of zombies with Wolverine-modeled claws.

Back with the smartass and the fatass...  
"Okay, we're here!" Hirano said as they reached what appeared to be the wood shop. "What do we do now? Although I do see some things that would count-" He said, looking around before she silenced him.

"Just shut up, you chubby geek!" She said (THANK YOU!). "Lock the door so they won't come in!" She ordered, which he did.

"I locked it." He said. He then looked at the table where she had a variety of tools. "Are you gonna use them as weapons?" He asked.

She then looked up at him with her hands on her hips. "You're one of those basement shut-ins, one of those military nerds or gun geeks, aren't you?" She asked, pointing at the nail gun. "Come on, I know you've seen this thing before, at least it was in that Mel Gibson movie." She said.

He picked it up and literally marveled at it. "A nail gun. And it's gas." He said (I'm assuming he meant gas-powered).

"Hell yeah! We wouldn't be able to carry it around if it was one of those compressor types, right?" Saya said. "God, you're fat AND stupid." She said in an annoyed tone.

"So, you like movies?" He asked.

"Don't be stupid. I'm a genius, so I know everything!" She said (Now, you're just pushing it). Suddenly, the zombies began banging at the door, trying to work their way in.

He reached in to the box to pull out the stuff needed. "Gas tank. And the nails. We're all set." He said, now having a dark, creepy tone (I think shit's about to get real).

Saya turned to face him and, now that we can see his face, he had a scary-ass, insane, almost evil grin on his face. "Why are you so calm, cool and collected?! They're coming! They're in the hallway." She told him.

He, however, was taking his sweet-ass time to inspect the gun. "Weighs around 4 Kilograms, it's as heavy as an old assault rifle, but I can't stabilize my aim this way. I need to attach a sight to it." He said, somewhat darkly (Okay, now he's creeping me out).

"Hey, you! Are you listening to me?!" She demanded. He just got an evil smirk on his face and gave that dark grin again. "H-Hirano..." She said in fear.

He quickly got to work, sawing through some wood, broke a pencil for no apparent reason, used a box cutter to cut through what looked like an eraser and began taping together a stalk to rest the gun on his shoulder. At that moment, the zombies finally bursted their way through the door right at Saya.

"Hirano!" She screamed. Suddenly, a nail went right into a zombies forehead.

"Gotcha!" He said evilly, holding a now very well modified nail gun rifle.

"Hirano?" She asked in confusion.

Back to me...

"EVERYTHING DIES!" I said, blowing up the section of the building I was in, killing 50 more zombies at minimum.

Back on the roof...

Rei and Takashi must've had enough sitting around, because now they were taking action. Takashi grabbed a fire hose and aimed it at the zombies as they were trying to make their way through the barricade. "Are you ready?" He asked.

"Yeah!" She said.

"Then turn it!" He ordered. She did and the water came out faster and stronger than he was prepared for, losing control over it. "Shit!" He said, trying to get it back under control.

Back in the woodshop...

Hirano was going Rambo on the zombies, getting nothing but perfect headshot (Okay, I stand corrected, this dude's way better than Tsukune). "You see the drill and the nails over there? Will you put them in a bag or something?" He asked (whoa, when did he start taking charge?).

Saya got pissed at this, withdrawing herself in anger for a second, then looking like she was getting ready to attack him. "Excuse me?! You're nobody to me, what makes you think you can order me around?!" She demanded.

He looked back at her with so far the scariest face that has been made in this anime, before brightening back up into a total kiss-ass. "Pretty please with sugar on top?" He asked.

She instantly deadpanned at this. "Alright." She said.

Back with me...

"Let's rock, baby!" I said, pulling out Nevan and playing "This is Gonna hurt" by Sixx A.M, sending zombies flying with huge chords and slashing the ones that got to close, as well as slicing off half of Hiryu's face.

Back on the roof...

Rei stepped out, looking concerned as Takashi struggled to get control over the hose. "Takashi!" She called.

"I'm okay!" He said. He then glared at the zombies. "I didn't like most of you fucks then... And I sure as hell don't like you now!" He said, taking one step back and finally getting control over the hose back. "Take this!" He said as the hose blasted water at the barrier and the two zombies trying to break through it, sending them all flying back, causing most of their head to smash. He then laughed triumphantly.

Back at the woodshop...

"Hey, what are you doing?! You hold this, too!" She said, giving basically all the stuff to carry to Hirano as the water began to flow down the window.

"Um... Okay." He said. Saya rushed to the door, but then he called out to her. "Hey, Saya, can I ask you something?" He asked.

She stopped at the doorway and turned to face him. "What?" She asked.

"Well... Why are you with me?" He asked.

"Why? Because I'm such a nice person!" She said, checking the halls (Not from what you've shown so far).

Hirano deadpanned at that point. "Yeah, I can see that." He said. "Oh well." He said, loading the gun again and taking point in front, looking totally serious (Man, he's like Seras, completely docile and harmless one moment, but when shit gets real, he turns into a badass mofo).

"Hey, you're on the ball all of a sudden!" Saya said, sounding impressed. "Something click in you or what?" She asked.

He turned back to face her with that creepy look again and a big twinkle in his eye. "I think I've found my calling!" He said.

"Behind you!" She called, pointing at zombies halfway down the hall.

We get a close-up of his face and now I see that the pieces of the erase and broken pencil were used to make a sight. He fired a couple of times and killed them easily.

Back on the roof...

"A fire hose. Not too shabby." Takashi said as Rei walked up to him, carrying her spear and his bat.

"I figured the water pressure would be high enough. Hey, do you remember during the fire drill when we were in Junior High, Hisashi and you got-" She said, but this shocked both of them.

"Yeah, I remember..." Takashi said, sadly.

"I think it should be okay now." She said, quietly.

"How I admire your optimism. You sure about this?" He asked emotionlessly.

She walked up and passed him his bat. Their hands touched for a minuted as he tried to take it, but then he grabbed higher above her hand. "Let's go." He said, I guess not trying to make it awkward as she blushed. They rushed at 2 zombies in the way and Takashi smashed its head in style as Rei carefully, but quickly maneuvered her spear around him and stabbed the next zombie in the heart, throwing it back into another one.

They then were slowly making their way down the stairs when Rei stopped. "Where do we run to?" She asked.

Takashi stopped, facing away for a moment, then turned back to her and smiled. "To my house. We'll go there to get supplies we need and meet up with other people who haven't turned yet. Work together and get some place safe. Sounds like a plan to me." He said, shouldering the baseball bat.

Rei looked sad for a minute, then smiled. "Yeah, you're right. Now that I know my dad's okay." She said, then looked like she remembered something. "Oh, we should probably call your place to make sure they're alright, too." She said.

"Waste of time, nobody's home. My dad won't be back in town until next week. And my mom's a schoolteacher so she won't be home until after 5." He said calmly, walking down the stairs (He makes it sound like there's NOT a bat-shit crazy zombie plague going on and they won't be trying to get home or in touch with him). "Besides. They get on my nerves." He said (Still, you don't want them to die!).

"Well, they're parents, that kind of comes with the job!" Rei giggled, following him.

Takashi now narrated the story... (I didn't really mean that. Truth is... I was a little scared. Look at this place. And my mom... She's some place just like this!) Now we end his narration...

Back in the halls...

A zombie was walking down the hall when someone threw a wet rag at the back of its head, getting no reaction from it. "What are you doing?" Hirano asked as Saya got another rag and dunked it in a bucket of water.

"Just. Be quiet." She said, throwing the rag at a locker, getting a decent noise from it, which the zombie honed in on and tried to eat the locker. "Do you see that? They don't even react when something hits their body. The big dumbasses! They're senses are dead. They only respond to the sound." She said (Seems like they were responding to more than that earlier). "Most likely they can't see, either, otherwise they wouldn't bump into the locker." She said (then how did the zombies know where people making NO noise were or were trying to get to Rei and Takashi on the roof earlier when they were sitting there in almost total silence? This is why I hate plotholes they add halfway though the movie/show/series).

"Well, what about heat?" Hirano asked.

"I'm sure we'll get plenty of opportunities to find out." She said.

Back with me...

"BURN IN HELL, ZOMBIES!" I shouted, roasting them with an intense stream of fire that would wipe the smirk off of Vegeta's face, turning the zombies into piles of ashes. "Okay. Heat, good for me, bad for zombies." I said.

Back to them...

"Let's go." She said.

"We're going outside?" Hirano asked.

"You think we're staying around here?" She asked.

"I kind of... I hate walking." He said. (surprise, surprise).

"And that's why you're so fat! You need to put down the WalMart Cheetos and exercise!" She shouted (And how did the zombies not hone in on that?). She gasped at that moment.

"What?" He asked, turning around to see what she was looking at: 3 zombies rounding the hall coming right at them (nevermind).

In a different hallway...

A zombie lunged at Saeko, but she merely blocked it and shoved it into the locker. "The faculty room? Jesus, what a pain in the ass." She said.

"But all the car keys are in that room, that's where they keep them." Shizuka explained.

A zombie on the sides reached outwards towards them, but Saeko merely shoved him back into a window.

"Why don't you just kill them? You've done so well this far, why stop now?" Shizuka asked.

"One or two at a time, believe me, no problem. And I wouldn't think twice about doing it. But they come at you in packs. And don't be fooled, they're a lot stronger than they look. Once they grab you, it's hard to get lose." Saeko explained.

"Oh, I'm impressed." She said, before tripping on an overturned rug. "Oh, I hate these stupid floorboards! Jeez!" She complained.  
Saeko knelt down beside her. "What you're wearing isn't exactly made for running." She said. She then grabbed the skirt and ripped it all the way up to the nurse's hip... Actually a little bit higher, revealing she was probably wearing a thong, purple lace.

"Hey, are you crazy? This is Christian Deur!" Shizuka whined, flailing her arms.

Saeko sighed. "Your clothes or your life? Which is more important?" She asked.

Shizuka whined and pouted for a little bit before answering. "Both are!" She shouted. Suddenly, they heard the firing of Hirano's nail gun. "What was that?" She asked.

"It came from the faculty room." Saeko said.

In a hallway not too far off...

"Sounds like I'm not the only one with a gun." I said, following the noise.

Now in the faculty room...

Hirano was firing at the approaching zombies, taking each one down with one shot. "If you keep shooting them, how will we learn about 'em?!" Saya snapped (What more do you need to know?! They're only way of finding you is with sound, that should be everything you need).

"You know, you could help me fight them, too!" He said (Alright! Manning up!).

"You stupid, fat idiot! That's what I have you for!" She snapped.

"The magazine is almost empty!" He informed her.

"YOU THINK THAT'S MY PROBLEM?! HURRY UP AND JUST RELOAD IT!" She screamed (yeah, you're totally being silent so the zombies can't find you).

"But they're right behind you, see?" He said, pointing to a zombie directly behind her.

"Huh?" She said, turning to see the zombie, then let out a giant scream that all 3 of the other teams heard and came rushing to the scene.

"Hirano!" She said in fear.

He went to fire, but nothing came out. "Oh, no, I'm out!" He shouted (Well, isn't that retardedly convenient?! They just needed a reason to create a scene of panic and keep him from killing them all until the others showed up).

She stepped back and tripped over the bag of essentials, falling on her ass just in front of the trophy case. "Get away! Get away!" She ordered.

"Saya!" Hirano shouted in concern (reload and shoot the bastard, dumbass? They ALWAYS do that in EVERY anime. They all freeze and do nothing for a moment when bad shit's about to happen? Has that annoyed anyone else ever? I honestly want to hear people's thoughts on that).

"Get back! Stay back!" She screamed, throwing trophies at it, which barely stunned it. She looked around for something else to hit it with until it lunged at her. As a last resort, she picked up the drill and drilled into its head. "GET AWAY!" She screamed as the drill connected, spraying blood everywhere. Everyone else finally arrived to see what was happening. "I can't take it anymore! Someone please!" Saya pleaded as the drill was only keeping the zombie back, completely ineffective in trying to kill it.

Everyone else looked between each other to make a plan. "I've got the right side." Saeko said, rushing at the zombies on the right.

"Got your back!" I said, rushing in with the claws again.

"Rei!" Takashi shouted.

"I've got the left!" She said.

Takashi rushed in and attacked the zombies in the center, effortlessly pummeling the zombies.

It was over in an instant and Saya was still in shock, I'm pretty sure. "Saya-" Hirano said in concern before Rei and Shizuka pushed him out of the way.

"Saya, are you alright?" Rei asked, putting her hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Rei..." She said, trying to breathe.

Takashi meanwhile closed the door as the group came together. "I've never seen any of you before. I'm Saeko Busujima and that's the school nurse, Shizuka Marikawa." Saeko said.

"I'm Takashi Kumuro." Takashi said.

"I'm Rei Miyamoto, I'm in the spear martial arts club." Rei said.

"I'm Kohta Hirano." Hirano said.

"This is Saya Takagi, but she's still not doing too well." Rei said, trying to calm her friend.

"Blade. Sai Blade." I said like James Bond would.

"Nice to meet you. And you fought incredibly!" Saeko said.

Rei walked up to her at that point. "Miss Busjima, I've heard of you, you won the championship last year." She said

At that moment, Hirano noticed my minigun. "Holy shit! That's a minigun! How can you even carry one of those? And where did you get it?!" He asked.

"Well, someone knows his guns. I can carry them because I'm a demon strong enough to lift this building and I can carry it in my trench coat. It's ." I said.

At that moment, Saya finally recovered, but got pissed at the same time and stood up. "Why are you guys being all warm and fuzzy?!" She demanded. "Why are you being so polite, Rei? You flunked out last year, you're the same age, she's not your elder!" She said angrily.

"What are you talking about, Saya?" Hirano asked.

"DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I'M STUPID! I'M SMARTER THAN ALL OF YOU COMBINED! YOU SHOULD BE LUCKY I'M EVEN IN THE SAME SCHOOL AS YOU!" She shouted, putting her hand over her heart, breathing heavily. "I'm... I'm..." She said, panicking.

Saeko walked up to her and put her hand on her shoulder at that point. "It's okay. That's enough" She said.

Saya looked into a mirror to see herself covered in blood. "Look at me... All of these blood stains... Now Mom will have to take it to the cleaners." She said in shock (Jesus, how long does it take to recover from shock? I was shot in the leg once, albeit with a BB gun and it only grazed me, but I was back on my feet in about a minute). Takashi walked up next to her and she finally completely broke down, clutching onto Saeko and crying.

"Noob." I said.

Later (I don't know why the episode has 2 different sets of credits. The credits played just after Saya started crying, now there's more), the guys made a barricade in front of the door with a bunch of desks and other things. "Yeah, that's good. What do you think?" Takashi asked.

"Yeah, we're fine now." I said.

"Yeah, that's enough for now. Let's take a quick break." Saeko said.

Meanwhile, Saya was in the faculty bathroom, desparately trying to clean her face. At that moment, Hirano came in to check on her. "Hey, just wondering: Are you okay?" He asked. She put on a pair of glasses and looked up at him. "You wear glasses?!" He said, shocked. Then she threw a towel over his face.

"Shut up! My contact lenses keep moving around." She said, walking out.

The towel fell off to reveal he had a goofy, in-love look on his face. "She... Wears glasses." He said in a woozy tone.

"THAT'S your fetish? Seriously?" I asked.

"Here." Rei said, handing Takashi a water.

"Thanks." He said, taking it. "Dr. Marikawa, where are the keys?" He asked.

"They're in my purse somewhere." She said, rummaging around through it.

"Are you sure your car is big enough to fit all of us?" Saeko asked.

"Now that you mention it..." She said, imagining her tiny, yellow buggy.

"Fuck that. I have an image to protect." I said.

"What about the minibus we use for the clubs away games? It's big enough to fit all of us." Saeko said.

"Hey, guys, I see the bus!" Hirano said, looking at it from the window.

"That's fine. But where are we going?" Shizuka asked.

"We're going to make sure that our families are okay. We'll start with the family that lives closest to here. If you're worried about your family, we'll bring them with us. After that we'll look for a safe place and..." He said, then everyone looked at Rei, who was watching TV.

"What's wrong?" Saya asked.

"What is this?" Rei asked, her eyes shaking.

"What's wrong, Rei?" Takashi asked.

"Yeah, something even worse going down?" Juliet asked as the two walked up.

"The government has begun to consider emergency measures against the outbreaks that have been occurring in locations around the city." She said, then continued on.

"Outbreaks?! What do they mean outbreaks?!" Takashi said.

"How else can they explain it? Outbreaks, as in it's happening a lot all over." I said.

"It's been feared that over 10,000 have been victimized in the Sataoma areas so far. The governor has already called-" The reporter continued until there was a gunshot. "Has already declared a state of emergency and has called the emergency disaster relief-! That was a gunshot! It looks like the police are finally using firearms! From what I can see, there's-" She continued, when suddenly the camera was knocked down. "No! No! NO!" She screamed. Suddenly, a zombie walked onto camera before everything went static. So zombies must've overrun the news report area and killed at least the cameraman and reporter.

"Oh, shit just got real!" I shouted.


	4. DESTROY EVERYTHING!

Everyone was sitting around trying to listen to the TV, which Saeko increased the volume to. It was the same thing as from the end of the last chapter: The scene was overrun and they cut back to the news studio. "There appears to be a problem with our equipment. From now on, we will bring you the story from inside the studio." The Newswoman said.

"Pussies. Luka would be right out in the middle of that shit to get the story." I said, smirking and shaking my head. "Crazy bastard. Wonder what he's up to now? Probably chasing Bayonetta still." I said.

Elsewhere...

Luka was actually in a tree, observing and taking pictures of what was happening. "This is insane! But it will make almost as good of a story as Bayonetta's." He said, still snapping pics.

Back to us...

"Okay, I stand corrected." I said.

"The condition outside remains chaotic, so stay at home unless it's absolutely necessary. We'll bring you more stories as soon as it's safe to cover the current situation on site." She said.

Takashi slammed his fist on the desk. "Is that all?! Why didn't they tell us anything else?!" He demanded.

"Did that hurt?" I asked, looking at his hand.

"They're afraid of causing a panic." Saya said.

"A panic?" Rei asked.

"Yeah, you idiots! First panic, then chaos. And chaos causes a disruption of order. And then, if order is disrupted... Well then you should just hand it over to the walking corpses." Saya snapped.

"Not exactly like that, but pretty close to it. I could be out eliminating every single one of those corpses, but I have to protect you guys, so that's a thing. But, I CAN multitask, so I may be able to wipe out this threat." I said.

"This biological threat that has spread through Japan has yet to be put under control. Authorities have evacuated the President and are relocating to an aircraft carrier." She said. (by the way, We're just gonna assume it was only going on in Japan, because that's where Alucard's mission was and where he messed up).

"Well, tough break." I said.

"There are reports that the use of tactical warheads may be used to combat the infestation." The Newsreporter said.

"Kick ass! I love big explosions!" I said.

"Even if YOU'RE in them?" Saya asked, annoyed.

"I'm a quick healer." I said.

"We have currently lost contact with most of the outside countries. A state of martial law has been declared-" She continued, but then the TV was cut off.

"Dammit. Now we don't have TV. Oh well, I don't like the news, anyway." I said.

"So they're everywhere in Japan. That's crazy. Everything was normal when I checked the internet this morning." Kohta said.

"I can't believe it. This happened all over Japan in a matter of a few hours." She said.

"Blame my buddy, Alucard for that. He tends to leave dangerous jobs like eliminating a zombie apocalypse mostly unfinished for... Entertainment." I said.

At the Hellsing Mansion...

Alucard was watching the News and seeing all the carnage happening in Japan, at which point he threw his head back in maniacal laughter. "Ah, Huston, we have NO problems." He said.

Back to us...

"Everything is going back to normal soon, right?" Rei asked.

"Once I ditch you guys in a safe place, yes." I said.

"That's not gonna happen." Saya said.

"What? I can't leave when I choose to?" I asked.

"Why do you have to be so blunt about it?" Takashi asked her.

"This is a pandemic. There's nothing we can do." She said.

"I can. I'm a damn-near immortal badass who can kill these things with incredible ease and even if they bite me, nothing will happen. This would be over by now if I didn't come to this Highschool first." I said.

"This is going to spread further than Japan. It's exactly like the Spanish Flu in 1918. More than 600 million people got infected and 50 million people died from it." She said.

"Good times." I responded.

"Remember how much panic Swine Flu caused? Square that." She said.

"Whatever, get enough badasses together, they kill the zombies, game over. Or, if I could make sure you guys would stay alive on your own, I could go solo badass and destroy everything not living. And Strider Hiryu, of course." I said.

"Not to be disagreeable, Saya, but I think this is more like the black death from the 14th century." Ms. Shizuka said.

"One third of the European population died, you're smarter than you look." Saya said.

"So, how did the outbreak finally end?" Takashi asked.

"Wait, I seemed to have stopped caring." I said.

"Well, there are many theories, but it usually stops when too many humans die. There wouldn't be enough people to spread the disease." She said.

"Or, I just kill every single zombie out there and there are none left to spread the disease." I said.

"How can you be so sure you can?" Takashi added.

"A: I'm somewhat insulted. B: I could make my way through the entirety of Japan in a couple of hours. If Alucard killed all of them, minus the one he left alive on purpose, I could easily finish them all." I said.

"But in this case, the dead are still walking around trying to spread the disease." Kohta said.

"Are you saying there's no reason for this outbreak to end?" Saeko asked.

"Uh, hello. Badass savior. Right here." I said, waving my hand.

"The weather! It's going to be hot! Maybe they won't be able to move if their flesh decomposes and they become skeletons!" Ms. Shizuka said.

"How long does it take for that to happen?" Saeko asked.

"In summer, some of the bodies could become skeletal in about 20 days. But it takes considerably longer during winter. Couple of months. That's not that long." She answered optimistically.

"You're kidding. She's not smarter than she looks." Saeko huffed.

"I agree, that would take way too long. But, that's not a problem, since I can do this." I said, opening a window, climbing out and throwing dozens of fireballs at the zombies while laughing maniacally.

"Medical logic doesn't apply to them, but that certainly does." Saya said as I climbed back in.

"First thing we need to do is find out if our families are okay. Then we have to find some place safe to hold up for a while." She said.

"And then I inevitably ditch you all and go on a killing spree. Maybe coming back to offer a heartwarming goodbye and the last thing I'll say is I'll call you guys later. But I'll never call. And a couple months later you hear I'm with a younger, sexier group of survivors and that I'm really happy, but I'm not happy, 'cuz I think about you guys. And about a year from now, I'm gonna call weeping in the middle of the night: '*sniffs, speaks in a sobbing tone* you were the best group of survivors I ever had. You really listened to me. *sniffs* And I didn't know the group I had until you dispersed. *Talks normal* Then we're gonna get together, we'll hang out, maybe we'll all run around town and smash windows and cause destruction. And I'll tell a couple of jokes and one of you will turn and go 'Haha! Sai, you're a riot!' And I'll go 'I'm a riot?! You're a fucking riot!' Get it?" I asked, laughing, actually lightening the group up a little bit. "That's what's gonna go down TONIGHT!" I told them.

"We'll need to team up." Saeko said.

Montage time! Rei shouldered her spear thing, Kohta readied his gun while Saya put her bag on one shoulder and pushed up her glasses, Ms. Shizuka picked up her bag of medical supplies, Saeko held her sword down like a samurai would, Takashi held his bat in one hand and I held my hands out to the sides on fire. "Let's try to pick up survivors whenever we can." She said.

"I have no problem in sparing a few lives." I said.

"Let's do it." Takashi agreed.

"What's the best way out of here?" Rei asked.

"Sorry to break it to you, stupid, but we're gonna have to just go out the front." Saya said, bluntly as ever.

"Do you HAVE to be a bitch?"

[She is getting REALLY annoying.]

Bitch needs a spanking!

"Let's go." Takashi said.

I kicked the door off the hinges, sending it flying into one zombie and crushing him behind a wall and Kohta shot his nail gun at the other one. Takashi slammed another out of the way with his bat and we charged.

Later, on the stairwell...

"Let me make one thing clear: There's no need to engage in a fight unless it's absolutely necessary. Do whatever you can to avoid, you got it?" She asked.

"Not really." I said, about to throw another fireball.

"Remember, their senses are triggered by sound, so try to keep it down. And they're strong enough to rip through a regular door, once they get their hands on you, they're gonna rip you to shreds, so be careful." Saya said.

"All the more reason to rip them to shreds first." I said, throwing the fireball into the hall and destroying the zombies easily.

Suddenly, we heard a scream and went to find the source: A couple more survivors were cornered on a stairway by more zombies. They had weapons, but they weren't using them. "Stay back." The apparent leader said.

The zombies was in arm's reach of him, but then Kohta shot it in the head. Saeko then jumped from the same level as Kohta down to where they were and easily smashed another zombie's head. Takashi jumped down from the top flight to the next base flight (that's what I call the biggest stairs at the turns in a stairway) and smashed another zombie's head. Rei stabbed another zombie in the chest, making it drop, then jumped around behind him and kicked him down the flight of stairs and lastly, I grabbed the last two zombies by the heads from behind, lifted them into the air and crushed their skulls, sinking my fingers into their brain, then throwing them to the sides, one out of a window and the other down the staircase, then shook of my hands. "Gross." I said in a disgusted tone.

"Um... Thank you." One of the girls said.

"Keep it down. Has anyone been bit?" Saeko asked.

"Huh? Oh, no, no one." The girl said, putting her hands up in surrender.

"It looks okay. We're gonna be fine." Rei said.

"We're getting out of here. Do any of you wanna come with us?" Takashi asked.

"Sure." The girl answered.

We continued on until we came to close to the bottom of the stairway, where there were a bunch of them. "Oh, man, there are a lot of them." Takashi said.

"From what I can tell, the only thing they react to is sound. They can't see us, so it's pointless to hide from them." Saya said.

"Why don't you go down there and prove that theory?" Takashi asked, to which she huffed.

"But even if we keep going through inside the school, once we get attacked, we're going to be stuck." Saeko said.

"We have to get through the gate, we don't have any other choice." Rei said.

"Someone has to go and confirm Saya's theory. Don't suppose you want to volunteer?" Saeko asked.

"Let me take care of this, guys." I said, walking down silently. I stood in the middle of the hallway in the big crowd of them and they just passed right by me, not bothering me at all.

(Safe to assume they can't see us.)

We're as invisible as Justin Bieber's career should be.

[Good work.]

I then lifted my hands into the air, got fired up and pushed them out to the side, releasing a huge blast of fire that killed all of the nearby zombies. "We're good. Let's go." I said, waving to them.

They all continued as I silently pulled the doors off their hinges and threw them at a couple of zombies outside. Everything was going perfectly until the last guy down the stair accidentally hit his weapon on the stairs, creating a loud metal on metal clang, which rang through the whole area. "You've gotta be kidding me." I said, deadpanning.

"RUN!" Takashi shouted.

"Why did you open your big mouth?! We could've got through here anyway by taking out the ones that were close by!" Saya snapped. A zombie was about to attack her, but Saeko saved her by swinging her sword like an uppercut and knocking him into the air and smashing his head on the ground.

"The noise would've echoed, anyway, just start swinging!" Rei shouted at her, swinging her spear and knocking down another zombie.

Kohta was aiming at the zombies, but he couldn't figure out which one to shoot. "There are too many." He said.

"Then thin out the numbers." I said, running past him doing a Liu Kang Flying Dragon Kick on the nearest one and, with a spinning motion, made a horizontal disk of fire fly down the path, for those of you who have played Dissidia: Final Fantasy, picture those energy waves Sephiroth does in his Feverent Blow move.

"Forget talking! Just run!" Takashi said as they all ran forward. I deadpanned and followed behind, walking normally and killing all the zombies I see.

"Lately I've been, I've been losing sleep~ Wreaking havoc like it's World War Z. And baby I'm a, I'm a super star, I won't be counting dollars I'll be, I'll be giving scars~" I sang, killing zombies left and right, throwing grenades. "IIIIIIIII feel something so right! When stuff is exploding~! And IIIIIII feel something so wrong! Letting zombies live! They're gonna die, gonna die, gonna diiieee~ Everything that I kill makes me feel alive~!" I continued singing, finishing off the rest of the zombies close by, rushing to catch up with the group.

As I suspected, they were ducking and dodging through most zombies, only killing the ones directly in their way, so I held my arms out to the side, shooting giant streams of fire to roast any zombies they missed. One of the guys we picked up was about to be attacked, but I quickly pulled out a katana and dashed passed twice, slicing them in half. "You owe me." I told him, shooting fireballs at any zombie I saw, killing hordes of them easily. "Goddamn, I love my job." I said.

We continued killing until everyone was on the bus, then it was only me still killing, annihilating everything that was still walking that wasn't still alive. I was pretty sure I cleared the area, adjusting my trench coat and was about to get on the bus when suddenly, there was a commotion behind us. I turned around to see more survivors running our way, trying to escape a group of zombies chasing them. "Here we go again." I said, back-flipping onto the roof of the bus and sniping the zombies chasing them. "You can stop running now, just get over here." I shouted.

"Who is that?" Takashi asked.

"That's Mr. Ishido, Class 3A." Saeko said.

"We don't have to save him, we should just leave him here to die!" Rei said.

I jumped down at that moment. "Why, he seems like a trustworthy enough guy." I said, suddenly, as he was leading the students there, one of them who still was carrying his books for some reason, tripped and fell, skidding to his feet. "Ah! I sprained my ankle! Help me up!" He pleaded to the teacher.

"Poor boy..." The teacher said. "How tragic." He said, but then smiled. "I guess that's it for you then." He said, raising his foot and getting ready to curb stomp the kid.

"No, fuck that guy." I said, shooting him in the back of the knee, blowing it off, since my guns are FUCKING ASWESOME and high calibur. He fell back and held what was left of his leg and I walked up and helped the kid up, pointing my gun and sword in the teacher's face. "Which do you prefer? Steel or lead?" I asked. He was absolutely shocked, so I sighed. "Fine." I said, stabbing him in the face and- "Shot through the heart!" I said, pulling the trigger, destroying his second most important organ, walking back to the bus, half-carrying the kid. "Get us the hell out of here." I said, slamming the door, climbing onto the top of the bus again to shoot any zombies I could see.

Suddenly, there were dozens of them in front of the bus. I was about to take aim when I heard Ms. Shizuka say something. "They're not alive anymore... They're not alive anymore... They're not alive anymore!" She said, slamming on the gas and running over all of them.

"Sweet! I love this teacher!" I said, overjoyed she did that. We then slammed through the gate and started driving down the road. There were no zombies ANYWHERE!" Dammit, all my fun is gone." I said, climbing back down into the bus and taking a seat next to Saeko.

"You were really awesome out there. You know that?" She asked.

"Thanks, I always try to leave only after completing a job. I like to actually finish things and save people." I said, kicking back and relaxing.

"Yeah, it's probably thanks to you we made it." Takashi said.

"Yeah." Kohta agreed darkly.

"I'm not too sure about that, but it WILL be because of me that your lives will go back to normal in a few days." I said reassuringly.

"Sai?" Rei said.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"It's a good thing you killed that guy. We would've regret saving him." She said.

"My basic thought process is: If you're a dick and willing to leave others to die, I'mma fucking kill you. He fit both categories, so I killed him." I said.


End file.
